I waited patiently for the Lord ; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. Psalms 40:1-2 KJV
Many people wonder, why I stopped writing and when asked I could not answer. Now is the time because I understand what was going on.
I did not stop writing completely but I was writing Novels. This blog is different, here I write about what is in my heart and what God plants in my mind. So I was in the dark place and could not write.
I went through difficult times which made me doubt my faith, I cannot say I doubted God but in reality I felt like he abandoned me. I tried hard to find Him but felt that He was too far and I still believed in Him in a different way.
I was overwhelmed by challenges of life, health, finances and my spiritual journey was difficult. I was lonely and doubted my abilities. There was a time when I pushed everyone who cared about me away because I felt judged and insufficient.
There were friends and family who understood what I was going through and they kept their distance but will keep on coming back and showing me love. I really thank them for staying with me, when I was not nice to be around.
I am sharing this so that we know that we all not immune to challenges and depression. Most people don’t understand what you going through and they keep on pushing you to be the old self while they are pushing you to the edge.
David a man who understood God and God said he was close to his heart, he also went to a horrible pit, so we all go through these challenges so that God can pull us out.
And when he had removed him, he raised up unto them David to be their king; to whom also he gave testimony, and said, I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after mine own heart, which shall fulfil all my will. Acts 13:22
I pray that family, friends and colleagues would see signs of depression and give support to those in need. We don’t need to fake that we ok, when we not ok.
I am back, and will be sharing my love with all once a week.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever. Psalms 23:6 KJV
When faced with mounting problems at times you get tempted to give up. I know how difficult life is 2020, we living in a crisis mode. As difficult as it is, some have even abandoned their faith because they don’t feel God’s presence.
In the deep, dark drain with so much stench. I saw a purple rose grow and I asked God how can this be? So never give up, God sees you in that dark, deep corner where you might be. His mercy follows us everywhere.
I find peace, joy and acceptance of any situation in writing. I have been writing books that will help build relationships that God wants us to have. RELATIONSHIP WITH MYSELF and RELATIONSHIP GOALS:
And Simeon blessed them, and said unto Mary his mother, Behold, this child is set for the fall and rising again of many in Israel; and for a sign which shall be spoken against; Luke 2:34 KJV
The last episode, I related how the father in the family committed suicide. He left the family without television connection which made the television useless. The mother decided not to come back home daily because the suffering in the family was too much to bear
After approximately a year after the father died, the mother moved on with another man leaving the children to fend for themselves. It was a trying time for these children
People would come and give them food parcel and say these words which never made sense to these children.For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; 2 Corinthians 4:17
People will say you are never alone, you have a father that cares for you,this is just a temporary affliction and all these words never made sense. Then one day a man came with papers from their father’s insurance which he took long ago, whilst he was still working and he had continued paying his contributions to it. The man explained to them that their father left them money that will pay for their monthly needs until they finish schooling. The balance they will get it individually when they produce their qualifications.
When the mother heard about the insurance policy she came back…..
Lots of love see you in the next episode what will happen to this family with their mother back …..
Today I attended a funeral of someone I loved so dearly and the pain was so deep especially knowing that I will not see them anymore. Looking at this situation made me wonder, that if as an adult I feel so lost and hurt, what about young children?
The question I think most of us ask ourselves , do these children understand the meaning of death? I ask myself how does a loving God allow these children to go through this painful experience? and how does the family explain the situation to the little ones? I ask these question because even Jesus Christ himself could not bear the pain of watching the sisters crying for their brother.And said, Where have ye laid him? They said unto him, Lord, come and see. Jesus wept. Then said the Jews, Behold how he loved him!John 11:34-36
Looking at death, makes me understand why people get angry with God for taking their loved ones which is a sad experience.What also complicates things are the people who come to comfort the family when they keep on saying its God’s will. When you are going through the loss of a loved one and people keep on pointing to God as the source of your pain. I wonder whether we have thought about our actions as we visit these families because I realised that as comforters we want to tell people how they should feel instead of listening to them explaining how they feeling. Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: James 1:19 KJV. We need to listen more than talking because we might be worsening the situation,God created two ears and one mouth for a reason.
Job 1:21 And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb,and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. I wish someone can explain this verse to me in the correct context because I am grieving and in pain and you tell me God gave and God had taken. How do we expect people to feel or maybe because we don’t have answers then it must be God who caused the situation since he cannot answer for himself. Truly I don’t know the answers to my questions but I know readers will help me to find answers.
Remember what it says: “Today when you hear his voice, don’t harden your hearts as Israel did when they rebelled.”Hebrews 3:15 NLT
One day I was attending a church service and during the service there was time for collection. It was during this time when people were moving to the front to bring the collection when I heard a small coin fall. You could hear it was small coin, and the second coin fell and this one caught the attention of many because you could hear it was a bigger coin. I smiled looking at people helping the owner to search for the coin.
You may wonder why was I smiling? I was smiling because most people say they cannot hear God’s voice but they could hear a coin falling and also determine its value. How strange is that? Today I was pulled to this verse The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep recognize his voice and come to him. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. After he has gathered his own flock, he walks ahead of them, and they follow him because they know his voice.John 10:3-4 NLT.This verse says the sheep knows his voice and when they hear his voice, they follow the Shepherd and the shepherd takes care of his sheep not any sheep but his sheep.
My question was if we cannot hear our shepherd it means we can go astray and be stolen by thieves. We listen to various things such as music, news, drama, gossip etc and we can even tell who is speaking or who is singing but we can’t hear the voice of our shepherd. I would be sad if I was the shepherd of the flock that can’t even recognize my voice. I like the way the shepherd say that they hear my voice and he does not speak about they listen to my voice, because we can listen but not hear.
So the shepherd used the word hear because when he calls, the sound does not only go to the ear but also to the heart. He says “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.Revelation 3:20 NLT.He stands at the door of our hearts and knocks and if we hear with our hearts and open our hearts he only wants to be our friend but we say we can’t hear him. I desire we can hear him as we hear falling coins or the voices on our television or radio. Remember he has never been a silent God, he loves to communicate with his sheep because he loves them dearly.
Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Psalms 91:1 NLT
It was a cool summer day when I decided to take a nap since I have been worried about many things that were not going my way . I had visited a medical practitioner two days earlier and he checked my BP and found that it was very high and he advised me rest more often . I was in a very stressful situation and prayed a lot but the situation did not change.
I slept praying and I can’t tell whether I was asleep or was awake but I saw and heard Jesus saying to me “Charity rest in me” I was puzzled by this and decided to pray about the word also asking Holy Spirit to guide me to find verses that confirm the word I heard. Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 NLT This was the first verse that came very strong on my spirit and looking at it I realized that I was carrying a heavy load and could not rest. Why was I not giving Jesus my load? I asked myself but I knew that I prayed about my worries but realised the issue was that even after praying I still thought about my load all the time. So Jesus was saying when I have given him my load, I must learn to trust him with it and rest. How difficult can it be to rest.
The next verse was very assuring to me that Jesus was capable of taking care of my worries but he needed me to believe “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.Matthew 6:31-32 NLT. The question that dominated my mind after reading this verse was that being worried about these issues was a sign of unbelief and I didn’t want to be someone who does not believe.I tried figuring out this unbelief thing with this example If you give someone your card to withdraw the money they need for a project and they don’t take the card but go on complaining about lack of money for the project. What does this mean, does it mean the person does not trust the card has the money or does it mean the person does not trust that you have the money. At the end its all about believing, How difficult can it be to rest
The next day I woke up with this verse : And to whom sware he that they should not enter into his rest, but to them that believed not? So we see that they could not enter in because of unbelief. Hebrews 3:18-19 KJV.The children of Israel could not enter into God’s rest because of unbelief. This made me very sad to realise that we cannot enter his rest because of unbelief and I pray for my unbelief. I ask God to help me to believe and not to worry about things I cannot change.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I wonder when reading this definition of love,whether is it humanly possible to have these characters in us but the God who created us can express all these characteristics in loving us.
Luke 15:20-24 And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate. Looking at how our father love and accept us when we have messed up and are a mess ourselves. He does not look at what you have done but he feels compassion, washes you and dresses you with a gown that says you are mine you belong to me, and he puts a ring in your finger that says we are attached to one another for life and my love has not changed for you. God loves you with all your faults and when he looks at you, he only sees his dearest child who was lost but has come home to a loving and a kind palace. He is nothing like us because we will remind you of how messed up you are and even say , “I forgive you but cannot forget what you have done” or “you must work hard to earn our trust again”. God says I restore you to your initial place in my heart,you are mine and I love you deeply and I cannot lose you
Genesis 3:8 And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. In this verse we see God visiting his people during the cool of the day, and we know when our friends visit us in the cool of the day, the intention is to chill, have fun and relax. So the God who loves us, has a desire to relax and chill with us but we have created a wall that we will only go to him when we want to ask for things, or praise and worship him,or pray and he created us for more than that. He wants to spend time with us as friends and enjoy our company. He even extends an invite for us to come to his throne boldly, which means we should come as people who qualify, who are righteous and deserving. Hebrews 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. You might be looking at yourself and feeling guilty or underserving but God loves us so dearly that is why he gave his only son to die for our sins in the cross, He is madly in love with you .
I have observed as a Christian that we tend to love God for things that he can do for us, not to love him as a friend and a lover which I see it as being equal to making him our “blesser”.Our parents and family members have taught us that they love us more when we do things for them and we have projected this behaviour to God that he loves us more when we bring something to him like our offerings or our fasting and praying or spending time in praise and worship but God loves us unconditionally, we are perfect with or without anything to offer. He specially created us so that he can enjoy our company and to love and appreciate his creation, he longs to spend time with us as friends. He walked with David who made a mistakes like any human being one being to sleep with someone’s wife but he called him a friend and Abraham was also his Friend and he also created Ishmael due to impatience of the promise. He knows we will falter but that is not important to him, what is important is to come back to his love and trust him that he is not looking at us with entrapment eyes that we will make other mistakes. He loves you so much, it pains him to see you not trusting his love
How much he loves you and me Zechariah 2:8b for he that toucheth you toucheth the apple of his eye. You are the apple of his eye Psalms 139:14a I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: You are wonderfully and fearfully made, you are not a duplicate of anyone. Psalms 139:15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. He was there when you were formed in your mother’s womb, when not even one person knew you were there but he was there. Isaiah 43:1 Israel’s Only Savior, But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob,he who formed you, O Israel:“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;I have called you by name, you are mine. God has called you by your name and he says you are mine. Isaiah 49:16a Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; God has engraved you in the palm of his hands,when he looks a his hands he sees you. Revelation 1:6 and made us a kingdom, priests to his God and Father, to him be glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen. Jesus restored us to our original form, which was God’s intention from the beginning. The entire bible speaks about how much God loves you and how much he desires to be your lover and a friend. He is a genuine friend and a true lover that won’t disappoint you.
I always ask myself a question,what did I do to deserve so much love because at times I feel like I m the only friend of God and the only person he loves so much and I know he wants to love you as much just open your heart and let him be your lover. Do you trust him as a lover or a friend?How do you relate to God the Father, is he a father you can share a joke with or is he a father who is for serious business?
Lots of love see you in the next episode of a friend
Today I will be looking at faith in a Christian life which is most often challenged by fear, doubt and worry. When we start our Christ like journey we start by faith and in the end it will be by faith, which mean that faith is a critical element in a Christian life. It becomes a sad reality for a Christian to question their faith, asking these questions: Do I have enough faith? Is my faith the same size as a mustard seed? Do I even have faith?
For our comfort the people who journeyed with Jesus Christ on earth asked themselves the same questions ,which means we all at times question our faith Luke 17:5-6 The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!”.And the Lord said, “If you had faith like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you. Often times when we question our faith it’s when we pray for something and it does not happen or when we pray and do not receive the answer we are expecting.
What is Faith ? Hebrews 11:1Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Substance is “the real physical matter of which a person or thing consists and which has a tangible, solid presence” Dictionary.com. Faith is Substance (Physical matter that can be seen, touched, smelled, tasted and heard) of something you hope for and Evidence is proof or exhibit of something not seen.
Let me introduce to you my handbag faith model : I have a handbag and I put things inside like a pen, purse, lipstick and when I need a pen I know its there.I just open my bag and take it out. So we need to have a ‘faith bag’ which can be similar to my handbag but the difference will be like your faith bag will be like your virtual card. In our faith bag we will put substance of things hoped for example like I hope for healing, the substance that I will put in my faith bag will be the word of God that speak to healing. The evidence of things not seen means I will take out of my faith bag a vision of myself doing things I couldn’t do before.
The problem we often experience is that life has been so difficult and we have been told that “easy come easy go” so many times. Simple things, like to love someone has become so difficult, because of the expectations. We have also made having faith so difficult and resorted to “Seeing is believing” One day in our church service, they asked this man to pray for something and he started tightening his fists, then changed his face and I confess I did not close my eyes , I was watching him. This man started praying by casting ,loosening and binding, it looked like a real war and I was standing there asking myself “does issues of faith have to be this hard Lord?”
When I started reading bible verses about Faith, it did not look that hard. Let’s look at the verses about faith or great faith and apply this to my faith bag model. Lets look at Luke 7:6-9 Then Jesus went with them. And when he was now not far from the house, the centurion sent friends to him, saying unto him, Lord, trouble not thyself: for I am not worthy that thou shouldest enter under my roof:Wherefore neither thought I myself worthy to come unto thee: but say in a word, and my servant shall be healed. For I also am a man set under authority, having under me soldiers, and I say unto one, Go, and he goeth; and to another, Come, and he cometh; and to my servant, Do this, and he doeth it.When Jesus heard these things, he marvelled at him, and turned him about, and said unto the people that followed him, I say unto you, I have not found so great faith, no, not in Israel. Now applying the faith bag model :In the centurion faith bag what he puts in as a substance of something hoped for is Jesus word that has authority, and the evidence of things not seen that he has to take out of his faith purse was His servant doing his chores.
Mark 5:27-29,34 When she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment. For she said, If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole. And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague. And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague. In the woman faith bag was one touch to Jesus clothes and evidence she had to take out of her faith bag was drying out of blood
This looks too simple and we are looking for difficult things. This evidence you have to see it in your mind or let me say visualise it spiritually. Lets apply this to Jesus journey on earth as He is our teacher and Role Model. Mark 4:38 – 40 And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish?And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith? In Jesus Faith bag was the word of his father, peace and be still and evidence in the faith bag was great calm. I don’t know what is your level of faith and you might be thinking this is too easy, why is everyone not getting what they hope for? I cannot answer that but I have my faith bag and I am seeing grace everyday and I trust this verse Jeremiah 1:12 Then the Lord said to me, “You have seen well, for I am watching over my word to perform it.”
I hope faith bag will make you realised that you have been given a measure of faith according to Romans 12 :3 Put it in you faith bag and always cherish it
Lots of Love see you in the next episode where I will discuss my faith bag testimonies
I got an answer that I was not expecting, which made me to ask further questions. Let me explain summarily what really led me to seek answers
I had rheumatoid arthritis for the past 42 years and during my life journey other health problems developed . I was diagnosed with various health issues, hypertension, deep vein thrombosis (DVT), and piles . This was too much for me , I prayed and also asked others to pray for me, I went to healing school and I was admitted at various hospitals but complete healing did not take place.
As I am going through the journey of finding my healing, I am provided teaching platforms to teach the Word of God and to pray for other people, some get their healing and some not. I hope you understand the dilemma I was facing which made me to ask other Spiritual leaders like reverends, pastors, men of God, prophets, apostles the question; why am I not receiving my healing? These are the answers I got which everyone was quoting a scripture as they were providing solutions and maybe you might be looking for answers yourself
The answers from different Spiritual leaders You need to fast for longer periods, so that God can get your attention and they quoted; Daniel 1:12 Prove thy servants, I beseech thee, ten days; and let them give us pulse to eat, and water to drink.Daniel 10:2 -3 In those days I, Daniel, was mourning three whole weeks.I ate no pleasant bread, neither came flesh nor wine into my mouth, neither did I anoint myself at all, till three whole weeks were fulfilled. There is a sin in your life that is holding you, you need to confess it to your elders in church they were quoting.James 5:14-15 Is any among you sick? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord and the prayer of faith shall save him that is sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, it shall be forgiven him. There might be a blood line curse or generational curse, I did not have a clue what was that and they had to explain that my father’s or mother’s parents or grand parents might have caused this curse by worshipping idols or doing witchcraft etc and they based this on this scripture Exodus 20:5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself unto them, nor serve them, for I Jehovah thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, upon the third and upon the fourth generation of them that hate me, You need to plant a healing seed, I asked what is a healing seed? The explanation was every seed I bring to church must be for a purpose. This is above 10%, I must plant a seed and tell it that it is for my healing You have faith issues and I asked what does that mean and the explanation was that Its either I don’t have faith because if I have faith as small as mustard seed, I could move mountains or my faith has doubts which according to James 1:6 But let him ask in faith, nothing doubting: for he that doubteth is like the surge of the sea driven by the wind and tossed. You must pray in tongues because your problem is too big and it needs you to speak God’s language and confuse the Devil they were quoting 1 Corinthians 14:2 For he that speaketh in a tongue speaketh not unto men, but unto God; for no man understandeth; but in the spirit he speaketh mysteries.
This was too much information which meant I will never receive my healing and made me feel like God is a puzzle that is very difficult to figure out. I decided to spend time with God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit because I felt that this is where I would get the correct answer which I know you also waiting for.
As I was praying one day asking the Holy Spirit since He has been given to us as our Counsellor and guider about why people who are strong believers pray to be healed or for financial freedom but their situation does not change or at times gets worse? Holy Spirit answered and said because they don’t have expectation, this was not what I was expecting as an answer . Then I made follow up and the conversation goes like this:
Me: “ What do you mean, they don’t have expectation?’ Holy Spirit: “ They pray because they have been taught to pray or pray because its a religious way of doing things and that is why if you can ask them what did they pray for last week, they don’t know. Me: “ Now when we pray,what must we do in order to get answered?” Holy Spirit:” Your prayer is a conversation between you and God and if you trust that He has received your message you must expect an answer. Don’t just walk away”
This was enough discussion for me for a day, people might ask how do you know it was the Holy Spirit answering? Some I hope have a desire to also hear God speaking to them and I will share in my next episode my experiences and my journey
I made a conscious decision to go and look for materials that should be on my blog and the best option was to stop writing and go on a special private and personal journey. It was and still is not an easy journey but now I am ready to share my experiences which I believe most believers struggle with.
My last episode I explained my struggle with Culture and Christianity, my journey was about finding true meaning of scriptures and what we not told but have to discover. I started with Matthew 6:33 But seek ye first his kingdom, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. My reason for starting with this verse, was that I am unemployed and need all these things added to me
I had observed devoted women and men of God, struggle to make ends meet and also observed few who prospered. In me starting this journey was exciting because I already had questions which pulpit sermons could not answer and most Christians avoided. I decided to start with my first question as How to seek the Kingdom of God? Righteousness, I knew that I am made right with God by these scriptures:
Romans 10:9-10 because if thou shalt confess with thy mouth Jesus as Lord, and shalt believe in thy heart that God raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved, for with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
My second question was God why are people who I know dedicated their lives seeking your Kingdom but ended up in poverty and sickness? This happened to be my first question by default as I was taking my first step in my new journey.
You can’t believe the answer I got, not from research see next episode