The Un-Expected Answer

The Answer

I got an answer that I was not expecting, which made me to ask further questions. Let me explain summarily what really led me to seek answers

I had rheumatoid arthritis for the past 42 years and during my life journey other health problems developed . I was diagnosed with various health issues, hypertension, deep vein thrombosis (DVT), and piles . This was too much for me , I prayed and also asked others to pray for me, I went to healing school and I was admitted at various hospitals but complete healing did not take place.

As I am going through the journey of finding my healing, I am provided teaching platforms to teach the Word of God and to pray for other people, some get their healing and some not. I hope you understand the dilemma I was facing which made me to ask other Spiritual leaders like reverends, pastors, men of God, prophets, apostles the question; why am I not receiving my healing? These are the answers I got which everyone was quoting a scripture as they were providing solutions and maybe you might be looking for answers yourself

The answers from different Spiritual leaders
You need to fast for longer periods, so that God can get your attention and they quoted; Daniel 1:12 Prove thy servants, I beseech thee, ten days; and let them give us pulse to eat, and water to drink.Daniel 10:2 -3 In those days I, Daniel, was mourning three whole weeks.I ate no pleasant bread, neither came flesh nor wine into my mouth, neither did I anoint myself at all, till three whole weeks were fulfilled.
There is a sin in your life that is holding you, you need to confess it to your elders in church they were quoting.James 5:14-15 Is any among you sick? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord and the prayer of faith shall save him that is sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, it shall be forgiven him.
There might be a blood line curse or generational curse, I did not have a clue what was that and they had to explain that my father’s or mother’s parents or grand parents might have caused this curse by worshipping idols or doing witchcraft etc and they based this on this scripture Exodus 20:5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself unto them, nor serve them, for I Jehovah thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, upon the third and upon the fourth generation of them that hate me,
You need to plant a healing seed, I asked what is a healing seed? The explanation was every seed I bring to church must be for a purpose. This is above 10%, I must plant a seed and tell it that it is for my healing
You have faith issues and I asked what does that mean and the explanation was that Its either I don’t have faith because if I have faith as small as mustard seed, I could move mountains or my faith has doubts which according to James 1:6 But let him ask in faith, nothing doubting: for he that doubteth is like the surge of the sea driven by the wind and tossed.
You must pray in tongues because your problem is too big and it needs you to speak God’s language and confuse the Devil they were quoting 1 Corinthians 14:2
For he that speaketh in a tongue speaketh not unto men, but unto God; for no man understandeth; but in the spirit he speaketh mysteries.

This was too much information which meant I will never receive my healing and made me feel like God is a puzzle that is very difficult to figure out. I decided to spend time with God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit because I felt that this is where I would get the correct answer which I know you also waiting for.

As I was praying one day asking the Holy Spirit since He has been given to us as our Counsellor and guider about why people who are strong believers pray to be healed or for financial freedom but their situation does not change or at times gets worse?
Holy Spirit answered and said because they don’t have expectation, this was not what I was expecting as an answer . Then I made follow up and the conversation goes like this:

Me: “ What do you mean, they don’t have expectation?’
Holy Spirit: “ They pray because they have been taught to pray or pray because its a religious way of doing things and that is why if you can ask them what did they pray for last week, they don’t know.
Me: “ Now when we pray,what must we do in order to get answered?”
Holy Spirit:” Your prayer is a conversation between you and God and if you trust that He has received your message you must expect an answer. Don’t just walk away”

This was enough discussion for me for a day, people might ask how do you know it was the Holy Spirit answering? Some I hope have a desire to also hear God speaking to them and I will share in my next episode my experiences and my journey

Lots of love, lets meet in the next episode

My silence journey

Finding what matters

I made a conscious decision to go and look for materials that should be on my blog and the best option was to stop writing and go on a special private and personal journey. It was and still is not an easy journey but now I am ready to share my experiences which I believe most believers struggle with.

My last episode I explained my struggle with Culture and Christianity, my journey was about finding true meaning of scriptures and what we not told but have to discover. I started with Matthew 6:33
But seek ye first his kingdom, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. My reason for starting with this verse, was that I am unemployed and need all these things added to me

I had observed devoted women and men of God, struggle to make ends meet and also observed few who prospered. In me starting this journey was exciting because I already had questions which pulpit sermons could not answer and most Christians avoided. I decided to start with my first question as How to seek the Kingdom of God? Righteousness, I knew that I am made right with God by these scriptures:

Romans 10:9-10
because if thou shalt confess with thy mouth Jesus as Lord, and shalt believe in thy heart that God raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved, for with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.

My second question was God why are people who I know dedicated their lives seeking your Kingdom but ended up in poverty and sickness? This happened to be my first question by default as I was taking my first step in my new journey.

You can’t believe the answer I got, not from research see next episode

Photo by Samir Belhamra @Grafixart_photo on Pexels.com

My struggle with prayer

Coming from a family that believes in both Christianity and culture was very difficult to pray. As a young girl I got confused on how to pray because One moment we had to inform our ancestors about our issues and another moment we had to inform God about our issues. The question was who will act fast and who made things happen. On top of the prayer dilemma was the worship issue where we will go to different worship platforms.

One day we will go to church and worship God who is a creator of everything and does not want to be mixed with other Gods. We will be reading the word of God and praying for his Devine intervension to help us and lead us on our daily walk. We will say he is our Father and all things are formed by him and we are His creatures that he cares so about, then

The other day we will go to grave yard or my grannies house and bow or kneel and worship our ancestors telling them all our problems and calling on them to meet our older ancestors to protect, guide and shower us with all kinds of blessing.

This was confusing to me as a young girl but it looked normal to my elders. How long did this confusion last…….. What do you think of this practice ?

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Less judgment

I was anxiously waiting for after lunch, and it came. We receive notes on our tables providing directions to our prayer venues. Mine was a walking distance to the lake house, others had to be transported to different venues. I walked towards my venue looking at the group members that were walking with me with suspicion, asking myself what religion do they belong to and how are we going to pray together.

We came to the lake house hall sat down on mats, there were no chairs and the group leader welcomed us and requested us to form a circle and make a prayer. Group members closed eyes and started praying, I closed one and stood there listening to hear what they were saying and they closed their prayers with the words “in Jesus Name Amen“. My eyes popped out, did I hear correctly are all religions saying in Jesus Name? We sat and we started with topic the of Judgement, our focus was on prayer and the question was what is the correct way of praying?

People started arguing that you cannot pray sleeping or standing others were saying you should kneel and others were saying you should stand and raise your hands,this became a long debate.The other topic was how long should your prayer be and should it be silent or loud what is correct? Quoting scriptures when praying and quoting names of people you praying for what is right?. People in discussion became so emotional about the debates some started yelling , others were crying and others left the room. My concern was what is going on here? We took a ten minute break and I went to one member and asked, are we mixed religions in this room and the guy said no we are all Christians and asked me whether I was probably lost. I indicated I was a Christian but how did the group know I was a Christian. The guy laughed and reminded me that as I was registering to join the group, I had Indicated my preference of religion. I had totally forgotten about that and I felt so dumb.

We came back and the facilitator asked why were we so emotional about the discussion we had earlier. We discussed and came to a conclusion that the reason was my way is the right way others are wrong. Which meant we judge those who do things differently from us and we must learn as Christians who are founded in love in christ to accept differences and embrace them without judgement.We realised that we come here to pray together but we cannot embrace each other as a church of Christ because of small issues that will not make God not to hear our prayers. The facilitator gave us opportunity to apologise for our small mindedness and also discuss other things that might blind us as Christians. This discussion took a long time moving from my “church” to being one church of Christ build on principles of love. It was too much for all of us, we took a break and most of us were in tears reflecting on how we always thought we were better than others all the time, whereas we always were one body of Christ with different parts

We took another break and when we returned we prayed for various things,like praying for ourselves to know who were are in Christ and for Christ to enlarge our territory and bless us in deed that is Prayer of Jabez. Our last prayer was a four sentence prayer.”Hear God our prayers. Look in favour at our pain. Hear and Act. Don’t delay for we bear your name.” Amen

We finished our session and left the lake to the hotel very late. It was an amazing experience that I will never forget and to me it was a great journey that I will always treasure.

Gratitude game

On the third day, I woke up very early for my small walks and it was a bit chilly. I watched the beautiful birds singing and hip hopping without the care in the world. I stopped to think about how I was feeling.

I felt empty inside but the feeling was a bit different to loneliness. I had kept all the hurt, pain, hatred and un-forgiveness within me and I have let it all go and now I had to fill the space where these experiences stayed. It was tough because everytime, I had to do something it was coming from this place. I had to prove to everyone who has hurt me that I can. I felt the emptiness and that I have lost the drive, just then the couple I met first day came to check up on me and the brought breakfast and lunch picnic basket. We chose a nice picnic spot and sat they asked how I was coping and I explained my stay without discussing my journey.

They we so happy, laughing and you could see they were enjoying their stay here and they indicated that this was their annual awakening trip. So they asked me to engage in a gratitude game. I agreed now knowing what the game entailed. They started saying things they were grateful about one by one, my turn came I did not have much and I said I am grateful that I was alive. They laughed and said true after your fear of lions and I found myself joining them in their laughter and we kept the game going and for me it was a struggle and they indicated that I must not think very hard. They will say things like they were grateful for their dogs and cats also a plant they planted without hope of growing and it grew. I felt things they were grateful for were too minor but as they said them and laughed I found they were genuine. They left late afternoon indicating that should keep a gratitude journal.

I went to my tent feeling happy and started with my gratitude journal. I don’t know what time I went to sleep and I woke up to a scary sound…. what is happening?

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

To be continued

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Surprise

Waking up from my sleep during my camp time, I was prompted to search my bag and to my surprise I found an old journal which I had searched for it for a longtime not finding it. I gave up on searching for it and in my mind someone stole it and for what I could not know. It was just there, and how was it there to this day I don’t know and believe me I tried figuring out but can’t find a clear precise answer.

I made fire and boiled water for a hot cup of coffee, I stayed outside and started reading the journal. To my surprise my journal had lots of painful incidents and I had written so many times in the journal ,I can’t forgive so and so for the pain they have caused in my life.I will mention just two incidents where I vowed I will not forgive

First incident was a group of women who made a public joke about my english accent,and as I entered the room where one was standing on podium who happened to be my friend in a room full of people. The whole room looked at me and laughed, I was the joke of that day. I ran out crying one gentleman came to comfort me, then I recorded the incident in my journal as unforgivable incident

Second incident was when I was nearly beaten by my friend’s husband.My friend had called earlier in that week to say has proof that her husband was cheating and she was leaving him and my advise was that why can’t she call the husband family and discuss the issue before leaving because that will help them to talk about the incident and she can make a decision to stay or to leave.Then she did that but afterwards the husband asked her that its the first time you made a decision to humiliate me in front of my parents how did you come to this decision and she said its me who advised.This was also recorded as unforgivable incident.

As I was reading I realise how much anger and unforgiveness I was harbouring within me and that pain of keeping all this load within me was too much. I started to forgive each and everyone I had mentioned in that journal after reading the whole journal with all the recorded painful incidents and forgiving even people who never asked for forgiveness. I burned that journal on fire and prayed asking for forgiveness for myself since I had also caused pain to others. The process was long and painful since I had to relive the incidents and then forgive each and everyone.I realised after sometime that it was very late and I had forgotten about wild animals, so I packed and went to my tent and I never felt so light and at peace with myself. Then the third day ……….

to be continued

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Loneliness cont

I sit under the tree on a bench facing the lake ,the grass is green and birds are singing.I can see some birds getting in and out of water,singing and having fun. They look so happy without the care in the world andI look and think about myself why am I so lonely when I have a family that love me so dearly and I have a great job that pays me well. Whilst deep in my thought….

I see a couple at a distance laughing and giggling, my attention is drawn to them, they seem so happy and I go back to my thoughts that once upon a time, I used to be happy and was full of life but what went wrong?

It started with emptiness and seeking things that will make me happy, initially I felt bored with my work and thought I need promotion or change work environment but after promotion, I was still lonely. I started looking at things to replace in my life friends, cars , house but the loneliness was always there.

Painkillers will numb the loneliness for sometime then I will move to stronger drugs but all did not help.My family referred me to various doctors and specialists but one thing I found was no one can take this loneliness until I found my life purpose. I prayed and spent time with myself and my creator and this helped me to reconnect to the greater being and I began a journey of peace and love.In this journey I found things and mysteries about myself that I never new existed.

A story told by a young girl who found peace and love will be continued

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My love, my protector.

Can love be oppressive?

Young woman story

I love my boyfriend so much and in the beginning of our relationship all was well, he works in a great company has all the things a woman would want. He takes me to holidays in the best destinations of the world. He dresses me with designer clothes only and pampers me with gifts almost every week. This is life I have never experience since I come from a poor family.

This weekend I planned an outing with my friends and was looking forward to a weekend of fun, laugher and catching up. As I was busy packing and having my time to dream about the weekend. I get this call from my boyfriend. ” Honey at work they have arranged staff outing where we should bring our partners tomorrow its the whole day event with a gala dinner” I held my breath with the thought again and asked politely but you know about my plans. He answered matter of factly and said ” Just cancel,this is too important for us and please prepare,gala dinner attire we will wear the attire we bought in Dubai.

Here am I sitting on top of my bed and asking,who am I? Do I still have value or life? Someone might say but you have a great life and what is the use of have all material things when I cannot even make my decisions. Someone who have resources have power over me and decide what is good for me. I ask myself am I not grateful, am I spoiled, am I realistic with my issue.

My friends say, all what I have comes with the package and I can decide to leave it all and be free but go back to poverty. My mom say, he is giving me the life I always dreamt of and as long as he does not beat me, I don’t have anything to cry for. I am blessed.

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Lasting relationships

Launching my book Before Saying I Do

The event was incredible and the discussion about relationship was on point where I saw young people engage more and asking questions which led to discussion on

Knowing and loving yourself before you commit to a relationship

Often when we fall in love, its because we searching for something we missing or we filling a void in our lives or we want someone to complete us.When you have met yourself and you have realise that you are complete as a person you don’t need someone to complete you but need someone to share the best of you and complement the beauty you already have .

We discussed that you first must love and appreciate yourself. Know who you are and what is important to you, Spend time with yourself . People ask how do I spend time with myself?

I always suggest that as you spend time with friends and family, set appointment with yourself,you can even write points or things you want to discuss with you.

For example

  • You say your name and start Charity what is important to you?
  • Charity who are you without things?
  • Charity what is you vision for the future?
  • Charity who do you want to attract in your life and why?
  • Charity what do you stand for and why?
  • Charity how do you see yourself everyday

You can write or visualise in your mind all the answers but you will be honest with your self and this might start by saying and writing all the negative things. If your mind thinks you are a victim of everything negative that is happening or happened to you. You will definitely start there which is good because you will be letting it out and hope you will let it go. You are definitely not your past.

When you done with negative you might start seeing yourself God sees you and begin knowing your potential and begin to value yourself.In the journey of self discovery you will also see yourself in a way no one sees or knows about you. In life we have time for everything and everyone but don’t have time for us. Spending time on the mirror appreciating your eyes,ears.nose etc See yourself as this wonderful person who was created for a purpose.

Know this if you don’t who you are people will tell you who you are and they might define you wrong and destroy the beautiful person you are.

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Love

Why is it so painful to love

Love is so beautiful
Love is gentle and sweet
Love gives so much
Why is it hurting to love

Love is full of wonders
Love is sacrificial
Love cares deeply
Why is it hurting to love

Love is selfless
Love is kind 
Love make life simple
Why is it hurting to love

Love is extension of self to others
Love is opening one self to others
Love is allowing self to be loved
Why is  it hurting to love

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